Sophie’s Run

Sophie’s Run

Source: www.sophiesrun.ca

My mother was my best friend. She was a terrific lady that will never be replaced in my life. When my mother was diagnosed with Cancer, I was amazed about how positive she was. She told me that she would fight her disease and never give up. …

On September 1, 2008, a friend & former co-worker of mine Nicole Chuchmach will begin an eight-week run from her small hometown of Milton, Ontario, Canada to the bright lights of New York City to raise awareness of colorectal cancer. Nicole lost her mother, Sophie, to the disease in 2006. After Sophie passed away, Nicole made it her mission to save other people from the disease the best way she knows how—by running. Running was Nicole’s therapy when her mother was battling colorectal cancer, and today it is her healing tool. It is also her way to help others.Nicole’s goal is to educate citizens in Canada and the United States about colorectal cancer and the importance of screening, so that more people can be spared from the disease. Along the route to her final destination, Nicole will make several stops to speak with individuals and media.

I’ve been fortunate enough to this point, to claim that my mom, is a cancer survivor, after a few different battles. Cancer I think effects most people these days, so we all should try and do our part.

Thanks for your ears

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“We Might As Well Be Strangers”

Today is an ackward day to say the least. Today is your birthday, and I’m not quite sure how to manoeuvre around this day with you, especially as we sit and wait for something external to happen, to really allow for me to get on with the next phase of my life, and you with yours.

To complicate things, I have agreed to meet up with someone new tonight for the first time, it is not a date, it is not a physical encounter, it is two potential friends getting to know each other.

This accept for the fact that from what I have heard, learned, seen of her to date, I really could see myself involved with her.

Then back to you and I on your birthday, we might as well be living in a different world..

I don’t know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don’t know your face no more
It’s just a place I’m looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as wellI don’t know your thoughts these days
We’re strangers in an empty space
I don’t understand your heart
It’s easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I knowThanks for your ears

 

 

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Taken from the Keane song “We Might As Well Be Strangers” from the album “Hope And Fears”

 

 

 

Random thoughts, musings, and intrigues

I’ve begun getting to know two really interesting women, mostly online and initially as friends, but I’ve become pretty intrigued with both of them, and am approaching the dreaded time of actually shitting or get off the pot.

It’s time to meet them both in person soon, and I’m nervous as hell, even if it’s just new friendship(s) there is always that pressure and chance of more. And I admit I don’t alway do well with a first in person impression, so yes, I’m a little intimidated right now, anxious yet nervous, but I need to just go for it, and let them get to know the real me, regardless.

I’m not looking to date, I’m looking for love right now, but damn it I am ready if it comes to me, now or soon. They both know my situation, they both know that I may not be seeking dating, and both seem still interested and intrigued as well.

It would be great, to put some of my past relationships/obsessions behind me and start a new, a clean slate.

I have accepted that all those relationships are over and that living in the past is foolish. Let’s just pray that I don’t do a good job in fucking these new ones up before I have a chance.

I had another new friend over to the house of all places last night, it was uncomfortable both the situation and the company, so for sure I have indicated to her that an online friendship might be where we stay at.

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I ran into an old work collegue a couple weeks ago at an industry show. He used to call on me at my old place of work, and back then was married, he and his wife played on my ball team for a company tournament and they seemed like a great match.

A few months later he told me that they had split up. Maybe about 4 years have passed and I run into him with this girl on his arm and when I get some alone time with him a couple days later, I ask him, how long he’s been involved with her and would he ever consider marriage again?

He responded with a laugh and a comment that (sorry ladies) cracked me up, it was funny but often true in the world of divorce and men…

“Would I marry again, are you kidding me, might as well go out and find a woman I absolutely hate and buy her a house”.

Classic, Randy, classic!

I guess I will never say never but today, I don’t see myself ever living with someone even full-time again, let alone marriage, been there, done that, watched the relationship go to shit, and us begin to divy up our stuff.

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Why do people make 2 or 3 sets of plans for the same day/evening, and then at the last minute sort out which is the best offer or most fun to them? In the last couple of weeks, on multiple occassions I’ve either become a last minute request because someone’s better plans fell through, or was committed plans that got squashed at the last moment because the other person had ‘just remembered’ they already had made other plans.

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A old friend from school ended up tracking me down online and was invited out to drinks with a few of my friends the other night.

Little did I know that he was also separated with kids, he had the royal flush though. He came home one day to discover through emails that his wife had an ad on craigslist looking for guys to come over and fuck her silly, gang-bang her, the whole nine yards while her husband (my friend) was away. Can you friggin believe that story, the nympho wife, but a nympho with other, not her spouse. Wow, and to top it off right now she has sole custody of my friend’s kids, because when she confessed to him, he took a bunch of dog shit he had been scooping up in the yard and threw it in her face. So he’s charged and she gets the kids while he can’t see them until the courts sort it out. What drives me nuts is, is she likely having strange men and groups of strange men in her home fucking her while the kids are home/asleep?

When in doubt about marriage remember Randy’s quote up above

Thanks for your ears

 

“Re-offender”

“Keeping up appearances
Keeping up with the Jones’
Fooling my selfish heart
Going through the motions

But I’m fooling myself
I’m fooling myself
Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say your sorry’s
And then you do it again, you do it again”
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…..And so goes the song “Re-offender” by Travis.

And so goes my explanations to close friends, family, without slamming you, without putting 60%, 70%, 100% blame on you for where we are today, because you are still a friend, you are still the mother of my children, and because I believe that a relationship doesn’t have to end with 2 lawyers fighting over all our worldly possessions and ultimately getting rich whil we’re left with shallow victories but neither one of us another money to support ourselves and the kids the way we wanted to.

I am not complaining about your constant re-offences because I would by a hyprocrite. I re-offended in a lot of other ways myself, so of which I’ve already documented in my blogs for the world to read and judge.

Instead I am simply explaining my side of how we got to the point of my ongoing threats to leave the marriage if you didn’t try to put forth an effort, if you didn’t try and change some things, if my expectations of a relationship weren’t being met.

I’m explaining how/why we got to the point that I said we were over, and that we needed to try and remain friends in the best interest of the children.

And unlike the lyrics above, you never admitted guilt, you never “said your sorry’s”, and that might have been just enough in the interim, to have kept me from the decision to move on in my pursuit of real love, real happiness.

A recent example of this was Mother’s Day 2008. We’ve agreed to separate but currently continue to co-habitat whil our house is for sale on the market, that way making the transition a little slower and easier for the boys.

So anyway, the boys through school and through me put together some regular homemade Mother’s Day gifts for you. Myself being the considerate guy even though we’re in an ackward situation, calls and makes Mother’s Day brunch reservations at a local restaurant. We all go we all have a good time, but did I get at least a thanks for thinking of you under the current conditions. No.

Even with the marriage ended, you still take the things I do for you, or with you in mind for granted.

Was I asking for much people? I’d love to know your thoughts.

Re-offender.

Thanks for your ears

 

The “Re-offender” video by Travis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bBBtv_pnX8

10 Reasons Why The Marriage Ended

I promised a new friend of mine at least 5 reasons why my marriage ended.I’m trying consciously not to make all my blogs about the subject of marriage/separation/divorce, but it is a big part of who I am and what I am plowing through right now.Of course the old saying is “there are 3 sides to every story, His side, Her side, and The Truth” so keeping in mind this is my side of the story and that I try and keep promises

Why The Marriage Ended

1. I was the one always giving, never receiving much in return
2. The relationship well before the marriage was built on some lies and deception, mostly my doing, that you can’t erase and I’m long since tired of lies/secrets
3. We grew apart in different directions at different speeds
4. The intimacy / sex life was vanilla, and close to none existant. She was plain Jane and I am always looking for new ways to be creative to turn up the ‘heat meter’.
5. She never could just say ’sorry’ or ‘I apologize’. I know I fucked up a lot more, but I never has any trouble admitting to any mistakes to her and apologizing.
6. She doesn’t do anything. She is a great mother to the boys, but she and thus us have no social life, no private life, and I basically had to force her to find a hobby, make plans with a friend etc.
7. I’m tired of her lack of support. She is dependant on me but I don’t ever get to be dependant on her.
8. I discovered my true self over the past couple of years, and who I really am, isn’t in line with being married with kids full-time, living in a big house in suburbia.
9. I am selfish about my need for some down time, alone time, I need a good balance of work, play, parent, isolate.
10. I have my self-esteem back and I’ve learned that anyone can have anything they want with the right drive, attitude, persistance, positive energy. I no longer just settle for much.

Thanks for your ears,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream Stealers And The Dream Catchers

In a great book called The Success Principles by a great man named Jack Canfield (author of all those Chicken Soup for the soul books), Jack confronts the subject of limiting beliefs.

When we are born, as newborns we are absolutely fearless, we know of no limitations at first that society puts into our minds, and we know how to communicate what we like and don’t like, we cry when hungry, or when in need of a change, but as we begin to grow and age, we’re taught limiting behaviours all the time like, “you can’t do that”, “no”, “don’t be silly”, “don’t touch that”, “that’s impossible”. And as we go through life we are exposed to more and more limiting behaviours which we all are led to believe are normal in society. But when you look at examples of successful people, especially those from less than stellar backgrounds or situations, what you find it that successful people do not listen to limiting behaviours, they identify what they want, what truly makes them happy, and they go for it, they lean into it, completely ignoring the “dream stealers”, the people who say you”re not good enough, talented enough, smart enough, attractive enough. And worst case if it doesn’t work out they are richer for going after their dreams, and they don’t spend a day looking back and wondering “what if”.

Anyone can make a living at anything.
You can do something everyday that you love or are passionate about and make a living at it.
Ignore the nay sayers, practice your craft, be always willing to learn and find a way to get your work noticed.
Use positive self-talk
Make a vision or a goal board. Share your visions and goals with others because that pushes you to make those things happen
Take calculated risks

And who gives a shit if you’re not the world’s best________ as long as you believe in your own eyes that you are, and it makes you happy.

Be a dream catcher.

Thanks for your ears

 

 

“Weird Fishes / Arpeggi”

This song sums it up perfectly, lyrics are attached and is the link to the video.

Maybe I don’t know who she is,  or maybe I do, but I know she’s out there

Thanks for your ears

 

“Weird Fishes / Arpeggi” by Radiohead

In the deepest ocean

The bottom of the sea

Your eyes

They turn me

 

Why should I stay here?

Why should I stay?

 

I’d be crazy not to follow

Follow where you lead

Your eyes

They turn me

 

Turn me on to phantoms

I follow to the edge of the earth

And fall off

Everybody leaves

If they get the chance

And this is my chance

 

I get eaten by the worms

And weird fishes

Picked over by the worms

And weird fishes

Weird fishes

Weird fishes

 

Yeah I

I’ll hit the bottom

Hit the bottom and escape

Escape

And I

I’ll hit the bottom

Hit the bottom

Hit the bottom and escape

Escape

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Watch the Radiohead video performance / listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAGuc9DkoKE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vitality

I’ve always found body art, interesting, sexy if done well on a woman. And to date, I am completely tattoo-less.

But I’ve always thought of getting one, and I now know what i am going to get.

Looked up the work “Vitality” in the dictionary the other day and this is how “Vitality” is defined..

vi·tal·i·ty (v-tl-t)

n. pl. vi·tal·i·ties

1. The capacity to live, grow, or develop: plants that lost their vitality when badly pruned.

2. Physical or intellectual vigor; energy. See Synonyms at vigor.

3. The characteristic, principle, or force that distinguishes living things from nonliving things.

4. Power to survive: the vitality of an old tradition.

Sounds and means just about what i want to brand myself with when I finally take the plunge, and all of why I have/am making the changes that I am in my life

Vitality in Chinese Characters:

Chinese Pinyin: sheng1 ming4 li4

 

Stay tuned, I’m sure there will be pictures!

Thanks for your ears